Why OPEC Loves Obama

Brian Hicks

Written By Brian Hicks

Posted August 21, 2012


Let’s see. . .

They’re telling us now that high fuel costs could damage our shaky economy. And this is why the White House is considering the release of emergency oil supplies.

Apparently, the administration is also working with allies to coordinate the release of emergency supplies.

Oh, that would save us from catastrophe!

Or at least create the illusion that Obama’s in control, and under his authority the United States will not be weakened by its desperate addiction to foreign oil.

Yeah, that’s it.

What a joke!

Never mind we’re about 3 months away from an election, and high gas prices will give the schlub dream team of Romney and Ryan a wealth of irrelevant ammunition to fire off in front of its legions of sheep who still haven’t figured out that the values of Romney and Ryan are no more conservative than the left-handed batter from Chicago now squatting at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue.

How many times are we going to go through this facade?

I’m going to do Obama and Romney a favor right now. I’m going to tell them how to fix this problem; how to send OPEC its pink slip, preferably wrapped in the urine-stained newspaper that sits underneath my dog’s crate.

  1. Stop acting like drilling in every corner of the country is going to save us from the grip of OPEC. It is not. But every barrel we produce is one less barrel we need from someone else. So quite dragging your feet to placate a few treehuggers.

  2. Double-up on enhanced oil recovery. With the technology we have available today, we can triple US production.

  3. Get our trucks and buses running on natural gas ASAP. Get the nation’s fleet on natty gas and you just siphoned off more than 40 percent of our annual crude imports.

  4. For Obama – Quit worrying about whether or not I’m driving a truck that gets 4 miles-per-gallon. If I want to spend a few hundred bucks to fill the tank, it’s my business! And get the EPA off the backs of the responsible oil producers that help keep your million-dollar James Bond limo running.

  5. For Romney – Quit trying to appeal to the fake conservatives who believe technologies that allow us to use less fuel are created by socialist dictators designed to destroy our economy. Electric cars, high-speed rail, mass transit – these are things OPEC hates. So that means you should love them. It doesn’t mean you need to bankroll them, but it does mean you have to stop vilifying them because you think it’ll get you a vote from some unemployed, overweight whiner that thinks wearing a Gadsden Flag t-shirt is enough to make you a patriot.

So there you go, guys.

No need to thank me. And I don’t want to paid a consulting fee for providing you with this very important information. All I want is for you despicable whore politicians to put the interests of this country ahead of the interests of your donation baskets.

Is that too much to ask?

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